Child won't stay in bed? How to end the curtain calls, calmly

The short answer: When your child keeps getting out of bed, walk them back calmly and quietly every time, with as few words as possible, then praise them in the morning for staying in bed ^[1]. A bedtime pass, one card your child can trade for one trip out, cut leaving the room and calling out in a small randomized trial ^[3]. If your child is truly scared rather than testing, comfort comes first ^[9].

Why does my child keep getting out of bed?

Bedtime problems are one of the most common complaints pediatricians hear ^[4]. Often the draw is simple: you. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) puts it plainly. A young child's main goal is to get you to appear, and if getting out of bed brings extra attention, even the upset kind, they'll do it again and again ^[1][2].

Other common reasons:

• A new big-kid bed. Many children feel a heady sense of freedom in the first few nights after leaving the crib ^[1].
• Needs left for later. A drink, a light or the door left open can turn into reasons to get up if they aren't handled before bed ^[2].
• Normal night wakings. Brief wakings at the end of each sleep cycle are normal. Among children aged 2 to 6, about 10% wake at least once a night and about half wake at least once a week ^[7].
• Real fear. In one study, 73% of children aged 4 to 12 reported nighttime fears, and parents underestimated how often ^[8].

If the fight happens before lights out (stalling, "one more book"), see our guide to bedtime battles.

Is my child scared, or testing limits?

Limit-testing usually looks like requests: one more drink, one more story ^[7]. A scared child is distressed and wants safety. A child having a night terror isn't really awake at all ^[9].

After a nightmare, the AAP's advice is to go to your child quickly, reassure them, let them tell you about it, remind them dreams aren't real, and let them keep a light on if that helps. Then encourage them back to sleep ^[9]. For everyday fear of the dark, see our guide to a child who is afraid of the dark.

How do I get my child to stay in bed?

The silent walk-back is the AAP's approach for toddlers who keep getting up, and the key is keeping it quiet and even boring, so the excitement of getting out fades ^[1].

1. Set the rule as the routine ends. "It's sleep time now. You stay in your bed until I come get you in the morning. If you need the potty, you can go." The AAP's rule is to stay in bed until morning unless you need the bathroom ^[1].
2. Walk them back. If they come out, lead them back calmly and quietly ^[1]. Use one line, the same every time: "It's sleep time. Back to bed."
3. Praise the landing, then leave. Once they're in bed, a few words: "You're in your bed. Good sleeping." Then go ^[1].
4. Repeat. As many times as it takes, for several nights in a row. The AAP notes that twenty "farewell appearances" in one evening is not unusual ^[1].
5. Stay brief and boring. No debate, no lecture, no upset face. Any attention, even negative attention, can keep the game going ^[1].
6. Praise in the morning. "You stayed in your bed all night. That's a big-kid sleeper." ^[1]

A promised check reassures some children, and the AAP suggests telling your child you'll check on them during the night ^[1]. Do it on your schedule, not because they called: if you appear whenever they call out, they'll expect you every time ^[2]. Try: "I'll come peek at you after I finish the dishes."

Scripts for the most common curtain calls

• "I'm thirsty." "Your water cup is right there on the shelf." (Set it there before bed ^[2].)
• "I need to tell you something." "Tell me at breakfast. I want to hear it. Back to bed."
• "One more hug." "Hugs are all done for tonight. Big hug in the morning." With a pass: "Do you want to use your pass for it?"
• "I'm not tired." "You don't have to sleep. You do have to stay in bed."

How does the bedtime pass work?

The bedtime pass is a small card your child can trade for one trip out of the room or one visit from you after goodnight. Once it's used, parents stop responding to further calls. The research is small but consistent:

• In the first report, crying and coming out of the bedroom dropped to zero for both children studied (aged 3 and 10), and parents preferred the pass to ignoring crying or co-sleeping ^[4].
• In four 3-year-olds, the pass plus ignoring later calls ended bedtime resistance, without the burst of protest that often comes with ignoring alone ^[5].
• In a randomized trial of 19 children aged 3 to 6, kids with the pass left their rooms, called out and cried significantly less often than a comparison group, quieted faster, and kept the gains at 3 months ^[3].

How to set it up:

1. Make the pass together in the daytime: a card with your child's name and a drawing on it.
2. Explain it once: "This is your bedtime pass. After goodnight, you can trade it for one thing: one drink, one hug or one trip out. Then the pass stays with me until morning."
3. Hand it over with your goodnight words.
4. When they use it, give the hug or drink warmly and quickly, take the pass and walk them back: "You used your pass. Now it's sleep time."
5. After the pass is gone, don't answer calls, and use the silent walk-back if they come out. The studies paired the pass with ignoring later bids for attention ^[3][5].

Always respond if your child is sick, hurt, frightened or something seems wrong. The pass is for stalling, not for real needs. The studies we found tested it at bedtime, not for middle-of-the-night wakings.

When should my toddler move from a crib to a bed?

The AAP's signs are about climbing and height, not a birthday. Once your toddler can climb out of the crib, it may be time for a big-kid bed ^[1]. Climbing out causes the most common crib falls, so the AAP advises moving your child to another bed when they reach 35 inches (89 cm) tall, or when the crib's side rail is lower than three-quarters of their height, about nipple level ^[6].

After the move:

• Keep the same bedtime routine you used with the crib ^[1].
• Expect a few nights of testing. Most kids are happy to "graduate" and stay in bed, but some need the walk-back for several nights ^[1].
• Waiting on a new bed? The AAP suggests putting the crib mattress on the floor in the meantime ^[1].

How do I make my child's room safe if they get up at night?

A child who can leave the bed can reach everything in the room. From the AAP:

• Clear away furniture and large toys your child could fall against ^[1].
• Anchor dressers and other furniture so they can't tip. Use childproof latches, or tape drawers shut, so drawers can't become steps ^[1].
• Put a gate at the top of the stairs. If you need to keep your child from wandering while you're asleep, a safety gate across the bedroom doorway can help ^[1].
• Keep the bed away from windows, use cordless window coverings if you can, and make sure window guards are secure ^[6].
• If your child sleepwalks, lock outside doors, block stairways and clear away things they could trip on ^[9].

What should I do when my child wakes at night or comes into our bed?

Use the same calm walk-back at 2 a.m. that you use at 8 p.m.: lights low, few words, back to their own bed. "It's still nighttime. I'll walk you back." Then tuck them in and go.

A favorite stuffed animal or blanket can help children settle, especially when they wake in the night. Make sure it has no buttons, loose ribbons or other choking hazards ^[2].

If your child climbs into your bed, the AAP suggests not rewarding the breakout with a spot next to you, and advises against toddlers sleeping in your bed because it can make falling asleep alone harder ^[1][2]. Co-sleeping to soothe a scared child brings short-term relief, but it often lasts and is hard to undo ^[7]. The AASM rates behavioral approaches as effective for night wakings, not just bedtime ^[10].

Where DaddyDuty fits

If the hard part is the moment you leave, DaddyDuty is built for exactly that. The story keeps going in the dark after you say goodnight, leaving it takes your Face ID or code, and if they pick up the phone the narrator asks them to put it back down. Get DaddyDuty free

When to talk to your pediatrician

Talk with your child's doctor if you notice:

• Frequent snoring, problems breathing during the night, sleepiness during the day, trouble paying attention or behavior problems. These can be signs of sleep apnea ^[11].
• Night terrors that keep happening ^[9].
• Fears that are intense or don't ease. In one study, nighttime fears were linked to an anxiety disorder in about 10% of children ^[8].
• Getting up or night wakings that haven't improved after a few weeks of steady effort, or that are wearing your family down ^[10].

Call 911 right away if your child stops breathing or their skin turns pale or bluish ^[11].

FAQ

Why does my toddler keep getting out of bed after moving to a big bed?

It's common in the first nights, when the new freedom is exciting. Keep the same routine, walk them back calmly every time, and expect it to take several nights; twenty trips out in one evening is not unusual ^[1].

Can I use a bedtime pass with a 2 year old?

The studies included children aged 3 and older ^[3][4][5]. For younger toddlers, the silent walk-back is the simpler tool.

How long until my child stays in bed?

The AAP says to be ready to repeat the walk-back for several nights in a row ^[1]. In the bedtime pass trial, the gains held 3 months later ^[3].

Sources

1. Moon RY; American Academy of Pediatrics. Big Kid Beds: When to Switch From a Crib. HealthyChildren.org, 2022. https://www.healthychildren.org/English/healthy-living/sleep/Pages/Big-Kid-Beds-When-To-Make-the-Switch.aspx
2. American Academy of Pediatrics. Toddler Bedtime Trouble: 7 Tips for Parents. HealthyChildren.org, 2022. https://www.healthychildren.org/English/healthy-living/sleep/Pages/bedtime-trouble.aspx
3. Moore BA, Friman PC, Fruzzetti AE, MacAleese K. Evaluating the Bedtime Pass Program for child resistance to bedtime: a randomized, controlled trial. Journal of Pediatric Psychology, 2007. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/16899650/
4. Friman PC, Hoff KE, Schnoes C, Freeman KA, Woods DW, Blum N. The bedtime pass: an approach to bedtime crying and leaving the room. Archives of Pediatrics and Adolescent Medicine, 1999. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/10520609/
5. Freeman KA. Treating bedtime resistance with the bedtime pass: a systematic replication and component analysis with 3-year-olds. Journal of Applied Behavior Analysis, 2006. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/17236339/
6. American Academy of Pediatrics. Make Baby's Room Safe: Parent Checklist. HealthyChildren.org, 2020. https://www.healthychildren.org/English/safety-prevention/at-home/Pages/Make-Babys-Room-Safe.aspx
7. Vriend J, Corkum P. Clinical management of behavioral insomnia of childhood. Psychology Research and Behavior Management, 2011. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3218792/
8. Muris P, Merckelbach H, Ollendick TH, King NJ, Bogie N. Children's nighttime fears: parent-child ratings of frequency, content, origins, coping behaviors and severity. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 2001. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/11125721/
9. American Academy of Pediatrics. Nightmares, Night Terrors and Sleepwalking in Children: How Parents Can Help. HealthyChildren.org, 2023. https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/preschool/Pages/Nightmares-and-Night-Terrors.aspx
10. Morgenthaler TI, Owens J, et al.; American Academy of Sleep Medicine. Practice parameters for behavioral treatment of bedtime problems and night wakings in infants and young children. Sleep, 2006. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/17068980/
11. American Academy of Pediatrics. Sleep Apnea in Children: Detection and Treatment. HealthyChildren.org, 2024. https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/baby/sleep/Pages/Sleep-Apnea-Detection.aspx
12. Munzer T, et al.; AAP Council on Communications and Media. Digital Ecosystems, Children, and Adolescents: Policy Statement. Pediatrics, 2026. https://publications.aap.org/pediatrics/article/157/2/e2025075320/206129/